Happy Mother's day to me!

Had a good mother's day, could have used a bit more peace and quiet but it was good nonetheless. Was woken up by some great news from a family member, talked to my own mom, sent flowers to those who needed them and got a fun gift from hubby. The kids were dying for me to open my gift, a set of paddle tennis rackets! We used to play years ago before kids when we had idle time and no responsibilities to tend to. It was fun, although we did both destroy a racket or two with temper tantrums. I don't do that anymore with sports......wait......I am a couch potato, that could be why. I am trying to get into shape again after shooting out two humans. Not an easy task for someone as unmotivated as me.

Lately though I've really noticed how I've lost myself in marriage and mothering. I need to make some changes. Not that i regret either just that I have very little identity outside of being someones wife or mom. I feel like the crazies were starting to set it. Just the day to day of laundry, grocery shopping, dishes, chores, sibling fights, making beds, carting everyone around......just booooring some days. Especially because I feel like no one appreciates me. boo hoo, i know it's my job, i chose this path. I don't regret staying home I did it for many reasons that will probably come out in later posts, but it is really, really hard. I should also note that nothing showed my character defects like marriage then when I thought i had seen all of my bad sides and cleaned them up a bit........KIDS! The best thing and wow, all sorts of shit comes up. Namely I faced my worst fear, that I would be a bad mother, that I would constantly makes mistakes my parents made (some of which sent me to therapy). More guilt to deal with more fear, more frustration but more importantly more wonder, more joy, more love that I even knew I was capable of. I was so worried before kids that I wouldn't love kids (since I had NO motherly instinct) that we got a cat and I started therapy AGAIN. After we kept said cat alive for two years we decided to try and have kids. That's a whole other story but obviously it worked.
Not sure how I got on this tangent......I never really know since I talk all the time. Let's just say I"m happy to say "Happy Mother's Day" to myself. I'm a work in progress as a mother, wife, human...but at least I'm aware and more conscious than ever before.